I recently shared with a male friend of mine that I was celibate. I knew he liked me and I was trying to find a way to work it into the conversation. And just like that...he said something that gave me opportunity I had hoped for. After he got over the initial shock, he said, "So you can't have a boyfriend, you’ve got to go straight to marriage?" I said, "Yes, I can have a boyfriend, I just can't go straight to bed." He then asked, "What if you never get married again?" I said, "God and I have already talked about it and He assured me that I will. He hasn't lied to me yet and I doubt that He ever will."
I have had a boy or a man in my life, most of my life. What I didn't have during those years was an intimate relationship with God. I am certain that had I put Him first, a lot of those "relationships" would have never made it past first base.
I am choosing to share this story because as I was doing my bible study the other night, I happened upon two devotionals that deeply spoke to my spirit:
* Do the laws of the Old Testament still apply today?
~ After receiving salvation, I was still doing what I wanted and so trying to justify it in my mind. Once the Holy Spirit got hold of my heart, it turned toward God and away from my fleshly wants. Believe me when I tell you, there was a tug of war going on inside me.
* "There is no better measure of a person than what he does when he is absolutely free to choose." - Wilma Askinas
~ I have chosen to save myself for my wedding night and I have NEVER felt so cleansed and so free. Absolutely cannot put a price on it!
After my marriage ended, I thought I was ready to "date." I was not. I made a similar mistake and it left me feeling disappointed in myself, yet again. After deciding to walk away from men and to walk into a deeper relationship with self, the following was revealed:
I am worthy
I am a treasure to behold
I am a daughter of the Most High God
My body is His temple
When you are in bed with a man, God sees that too.
I gave away enough of myself in the past
With each departure, he took a piece of my soul
I hold the power to say, "No."
I will trust that He knows best
He is preparing someone for me
He will greatly reward my faithfulness
He created me for love and to love
As I've shared myself with friends and family, they are amazed at my openness. I have to say again that this life is not about me. He saved me so that I can save another girl/woman and that she will in turn save another.
A woman's worth is more valuable than she thinks. Had "someone" told me that, I could have "shared" that with my daughter years ago. She is an adult now. She truly admires me and with that admiration, I want her to see that I'm not just talking the talk...I'm also walking the walk. She has shared so many of my same mistakes and I only pray that this choice of mine will inspire her to choose the same vow.