I was on my way to the dentist this morning when I heard this question on the radio. In my happy place and having my medium cup of coffee.... (I had my toothbrush in my purse). Anyway, as much growth as I'm proud to claim over the past two years or so, this question took me right back to all those little insecurities that (used) to take up residence in the back of my mind. To me, memories are like luggage. Once the trip is over, you can unpack the bags and put everything back in it's place but the luggage is still there (just stored).
My lies were mostly self lies. Things I believed about myself not necessarily told to me by friends or loved ones. In my mind's eye, I was never tall enough, pretty enough, smart enough, successful enough, confident enough, my feelings didn't matter, having my needs met was not important and God forbid if someone paid me a compliment; I'd immediately think, "are they really talking to me?"
Sad to say the biggest lie I told myself was that If I was nice, fair, honest and giving that I would surely go to heaven to see my grandmother. Well we all know that ain't true. God told me that himself. And now that I've set the record straight, I'm tall enough, smart enough, pretty enough, super confident, my feelings are valid and having my needs met is very important. And the compliment thing, I'm so over that. I see what you see and I totally agree, not to sound arrogant but there's only one free spirited butterfly and she's gorgeous from the inside out. How ironic that that is the title to one of my books.
Lastly, I reserved a first class ticket to Heaven because me and my grandmother has got some catching up to do! Love, peace and blessings.
2 comments:
I could have written this, except my person in heaven is my father. It took me a long time to realize that who I am, on the inside and out, is more than good enough. I turned 40 in March and 39 was a year of reflection and revelation. I learned to say no when needed and put myself first. By the time I was 40, I was ready for my next phase of life. I know it's going to be great because i'm not as pessimistic, and my outlook on life is great.
For me, forty isn't the new 30, or the new 20, it's just 40 and it's fabulous.
strongblkwmn, i couldn't agree with u more. 40 is fabulous and being pessimistic is a thang of the past! Thanks for your visit. Peace and blessings!
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