Monday, June 30, 2008

The List...

I have been happily single for the past two years. Before that I was in a committed relationship for 9 years. The thought of going out into the dating world was really scary for me. Once the “word” spread that I was single, the propositions began to pour in. I was flattered to say the least. (You men are so very creative when you see something you want). There was a note left on my car, (He said that I was too gorgeous to be driving a dirty car) I laughed for days. There were flowers left on my doorstep, cards left on my desk, e-mails of poetry, several proposals and even an offer to move in and take over my mortgage payments (a girl’s dream). Of the many displays of affection, I have to say that I know for a fact that 3 of them were deeply sincere. Although it was a bit frightening and overwhelming, I seriously contemplated having one in every flavor. Considering I’d always jumped in with my heart first, I thought about the LIFE IS SHORT go for it slogan. But instead I decided to take a hiatus from the male species for a while. I took some much needed me time and put together a list. I thought if I made a list of what I actually wanted, when I came across what I didn’t, I would immediately rule him out.

To make a long story short, into my life he came. Not only did he encompass everything on my list, he got a bonus point for being a dog lover. Everything was flowing so perfectly, we clicked like two old college friends and he had the most gorgeous smile. As the “relationship” progressed I realized that he was turning into my safe place. A place where romance wasn’t needed because it would only complicate things, a place where I was beginning to realize that he was not a part of my future, but a stepping-stone towards it. He wanted so much more than I was willing to give and just when he was ready to settle down, I was beginning to spread my wings. I didn’t want to use him or play it safe so I made a decision to give up what appeared to be my ideal man. I must say that I was very proud of myself. For once I wasn’t concerned about hurting “his” feelings; I made a decision and never looked back.

I know that God will not send me everything on my list because he does not give us what we want, he gives us what he wants us to have. And today he asked me to look at the list again and to tell him what was missing. I didn’t realize it until I was driving home and just as I approached the ramp towards 210 South I had my epiphany. As clear as the sun was shinning brightly through my sunroof, the word was “friendship”. A place where you go to let down your guard without even realizing it, a place where the foundation of your relationship is so solid that nothing and no one can shake it.
And more importantly, a place that you don’t have to go looking for because it somehow knows where to find you!

2 comments:

Stacye said...

I think that a lot of times women mistake acts of kindness for love. After being crushed under the weight of a very nasty breakup years ago, taking time to get to know me was the turning point in my life...which opened the door for true love and companionship. After suffering though two bouts of cancer and near death experiences, ALONE, God brought my true soul mate into my life. I will forever praise His name for allowing me to see the bigger picture...that in this life time its all or nothing and life is to short to just settle for anything. Stop, look and listen! "Love is like playing the piano...first you must play by the rules, then you must forget the rules and play from your heart!"
"Live your dream...people who say it can not be done should not interrupt those who are doing it..."

Free spirited butterfly said...

Stacey, I love you and your heartfelt words. I LOVE GOD for your presence in my life and I especially love the last sentence!!! You are never ALONE, you need anything (if it is within my will) I'm there for you!