Tuesday, September 20, 2011

I have 5 sisters

Yes, I have 5 sisters.  Just as I typed the first sentence, I realized that I've never said that out loud before.  My 5th sister's name is Kendra and she's about to become a bride.  She is also a brand new blogger.  "My time to shine."

My dad bought 4 copies of my book and gave one to her.  Immediately after reading it, she text me to say that she had never realized how much we had in common.  She was truly inspired and admitted that she has some unfinished works of her own that she'd like to put to print.  I told her that although I've been writing since 7th grade, blogging helped me to ease the fear that I may never publish a book.  How wrong was I?  It not only helped me to make peace with my past, it led me to submit my work and finally let go of my perception of what others thought of me.

Now she has decided to blog about her life's journey in hopes to free herself of somethings that have kept her from her true happiness.  In the end, don't we all want to be happy?  Well, once again, after I've typed something, I oftentimes have a revelation.  I want JOY.  Happiness is fleeting and I think deep down inside, we all want JOY.  It is constant and it is something that humans simply cannot give us. 

My sister and I met in 2003 at my dad's house.  That was the year that I found my birth father and discovered that I had a sister and a brother named Farron.  I have to be honest and say that she and I didn't really hit it off and over time, we didn't really  keep in touch.  I think it was the initial shock, followed by the 5 investigative questions, "Who, what, when, why and how?"

After the big celebration and welcome mat, I went back to my normal life.  My normal life included four sisters, "Maria, Marty, Holly & Kim" and a lot of busyness.  Truly, was I that busy? After all, isn't family supposed to be the glue that holds us together?  Isn't the old saying, "Friends and lovers come and go, but like it or not, family ain't going nowhere?"  (I just made that up) lol

Are there any wounds from your past that need revisiting?  Is there any unfinished business that needs addressing? Are you holding out for an apology that you may never get?

Let's make a conscious decision to go back there, to go back and talk, listen and make peace.  We don't have to agree, we don't even have to visit afterwards, but we should at least acknowledge the fact that no one is perfect and if our God can forgive us, who are we to hold a grudge?

I for one am glad that she and I are at peace with our past and making plans for our future.  For me, I've discovered that LOVE is not as easy as the Bible makes it seem, but the reward is certainly worth the effort.

Here's a toast to forgiveness!

Love and peace


AngelaMichelle1976 said...

A toast to forgiveness! Oh how I welcome that and am so thankful you are who you are and can forgive me.

I was very excited when I found out about you. But my excitement faded and not because of anything you did. When you met me I was in my first marriage and needless to say it was not a very good one. Dad never liked my husband at that time and still doesnt care for him.

I have never really said this out loud so here we go (lol).

Growing up I never felt like I belonged. There was always this emptiness but I never knew what or why. I was dads baby. He had his times when he would seem like he was so proud of me. Although those moments seemed to be few and far between I held on to them TIGHT! The woman I had grown up with as a mother I never felt close to, liked or loved by her. So regardless of the abuse I underwent at the hands of my daddy he was my number one guy. No matter what we went through I knew he loved me.

When I found out I was adopted and that he chose me because HE wanted me it made me love him even more. I spoke with members of our family and it was explained to me that there was always jealousy there when my father chose to adopt me because I then became his #1 girl and focus. Therefore the feeling of not being wanted or liked by my mom was easily explained and more clear.

For as long as I can remember I have lived my life trying to please dad and make him proud. Not only him but a lot of people.

I seperated myself from you because it seemed as if the world began to evolve around you and your husband at the time. Dad began to compare me to you. He would tell me how well off you were and how you completed the police academy and you have been on your job for so many years. He would tell me how I need to get myself stable like you. He would tell me how wonderful your husband was and how much he liked him,blah, blah, blah. It became too much for me.

All I could think about was everything I had gone through and how he had no idea how hard it had been for me. Always criticizing me then praising you almost everytime I talked to him.

I directed my anger and hurt towards you. Never once taking the time to think about the fact you had no idea what he was doing/saying. So I wasted 8 yrs of getting to know my sister. Not anymore. Your book awakened so many things inside of me. I had to fix what I messed up. At least try. Fortunate for me I have a forgiving sister.

I love u!!

A Free Spirit Butterfly said...

WOW is all I can say. Deep breath, pause...

Don't ask me why, but I've always felt adopted. I spent most of my life trying to please my mom. I felt like I was in overdrive and I couldn't fine the brakes. It so poured over into every aspect of my life.

Trying to control my kids, my relationships and my enviornment. I was forcing relationships to work on my terms and never relaxing to be me. I didn't think anyone would like me any other way.

I don't know where I got that impression. I think it was a part of the little girl in me who felt abandoned. By my dad and as a result of my parents divorce.

Without my family together, who was I? That was the question that I couldn't answer.

My marriage was a Cinderalla, "Happily ever after." And then the book closed. I had always wondered what happened after the last chapter. Now I know. She did the best she could and it wasn't enough, the marriage ended and she was left with a broken heart.

But little did she know that it would turn out for the best. It taught me that life is about moments and mistakes. I forgave him, my parents, and myself.

That is how I'm able to forgive others, I truly walked that path that leads to freedom. It's not about me and it never was.

Life is a gift where we were placed in the Universe to bless others. Once we come outside ourselves and realize that we are not the only walking wounded, we can begin to take the step towards healing.

We, you and I, are headed for a great ride and lots of beautiful memories and laughter. And you know what they say about laughter, it's the very best medicine!

I love you and I'm proud to call you my little sister!

A Lady's Life said...

Oh that's a good thing to toast to.

Mizrepresent said...

Beautiful FSB as always. Family is most important to me, so i feel you in so many ways! Enjoy and grow in this relationship and i am sure it will be a blessing to the both of you!

AngelaMichelle1976 said...

Well said. I must admit I am excited about this new journey I am getting ready to take but I am also scared.

Everytime I start to tell this story something takes hold of me and I can't shake it. I do however feel this time will be much different. Your courage has given me the courage to finish my story this time. No matter what!

Once I get past the hard parts I will be able to start writing about my new experiences with my big sister, new husband and new life.

I would like to say to the ladies who commented Thank You for your support. It is truly encouraging.

Don said...

Sounds wonderful, your letting go of fear and finding that you and your sister have things in common, also your loveof writing. I can clearly see this to be truth. Matter of fact, I often comment how the bloggers left are those who truly enjoyed writing.

Has anyone told you of the great inspiration you are?

Far as wounds, revisiting wounds, and holding out for apologies ... One sweet day I know that I will be reunited with my 13 & 12 year old daughters who I haven't seen nor talked with, in almost 6 years.

I been forgave their mom though. Had to.

A Free Spirit Butterfly said...

My Lady, I tried to toast last night w/a half glass of wine and fell asleep. I've had the bottle since July to celebrate moving to the beach and I'll continue to hold on to it w/ certainty that there will be something else to celebrate ;-)

Miz, thank u for stopping by and for your sweet compliment. I have always felt a strong longing to keep the family together and to be the glue in some way, shape or form. To some people, their friends mean more to them than their own blood line. Now that my other sister is in my life to stay, my family tree is complete.

Praying for your mom's recovery and the love and warmth of loved one during this season of your life.

Kendra, stop blogging and get ready for your bridal shower (lol). Love you tooooo!

Don, I am touched and also inspired by many of my long time and new blogging friendships. Your writings surely belong out in the Universe and in the bookstores on the shelves. In the shadows of Nikki and Langston.

In regards to your question, I have been told that by many, and I have to say that the only resin that I BELIEVE it is because Jesus is speaking through me and my daily prayer among many, is that He use me.

Humble appreciation to anyone who has been inspired by anything I may have said or written. It's so very true, you do become a new creature in Christ.

With lots of love,