My new friend, Denise Fuller, recently asked how I met my father. I cannot talk about how I met my dad without talking about how I met my Father, Jesus Christ.
I may have written a post about it in the past, but just in case I did not, I'd love to have this story in my blog book for my children to one day treasure.
If I could go back in time, I would love to remember the moment when I realized that my step dad was not my birth father. I simply have no recollection of how that came to light. I do remember most of my life, longing to meet "my real dad." My step father was and is a good man and he has always loved me and still loves me like his own. He's a retired police officer and I remember seeing him in his uniform many times when I was a young girl. However, I think my pursuit of law enforcement came from watching way too much television. I was introverted and had very few friends. I was best friends with my diary and I enjoyed being alone and being inside.
I was so in love with "Columbo," an old detective who solved every case before the cops even gathered all their evidence. And my second favorite was "Charlie's Angels." It was so cool to watch those women solve cases and look so cute while doing it. (Looking back, I had no idea about how real the crime was and how endless the paperwork could be.) Lol
Anyway, in 2003, I had seen the movie, Antwone Fisher. There were so many parts in the film where my heart was connected to his, (Antwone's heart). I could feel his pain and I could so relate to wanting "answers." I knew how the ending would turn out and I wanted that for myself. I somehow believed that I would get it. And lo' and behold, I did.
I found my dad with the help of an employee at Andrew's Air Force Base, a woman who stole his identity, my ex-husband and a website called, phonenumbers.com. All of those resources helped me to discover that my birth father was alive and only 6 1/2 hours away, living in Hartville, Ohio.
I called him on July 8, 2003, we spoke and I made an announcement that sealed our hearts forever. I said, "Hello, my name is Denise and I'm your daughter." The rest unfolded like a fairytale. We met, hugged, cried, shared, laughed and cried some more. We introduced long lost relatives, exchanged numerous photographs and settled into a loving relationship, just like a pair of comfortable shoes. Not only that, we have so much in common that it's not even funny.
Strangely enough, apart of me always felt that if I found my birth father, I'd be at peace, I'd be happier and I'd somehow feel complete.
Well that was not the case. After the happiness settled in and the formalities began to fade, I still felt a longing. However, I had no idea what it was or how to fill it. Three years after meeting my dad, my marriage ended. I am not one to advocate for divorce, but it was truly the best thing that could have happened to me. I was free to be still and not have to please anyone else. The kids were grown and on their own and my need to be the "good wife" was no longer a need. I could sit still with myself and discover who I was and what it was that I wanted.
In walks Jesus. Not that soon, but over the next two years, he was wooing me into his loving arms. Truthfully speaking, I believe that He was wooing me all of my life, but because of my deep rooted fears and insecurities, I did not adhere to His voice. But at the age of 42, He was calling out to me in the quietness of the day and in the subtleties of the night. Having been in "relationships" since I was 16, I was finally alone with myself and my thoughts and I could hear a voice unlike any voice I'd ever heard before. It was soft, gentle, caring and compassionate. When he called out my name, it was kind of familiar but then again, it wasn't.
God used Dr. Ed Young, Dr. Charles Stanley, Stacey Earl, and a man named Kenneth to witness to my heart. I was sitting in my family room in Waldorf, Maryland, on May 4, 2008, and Jesus knocked on my door. I answered, open up and let him into my heart and my life.
I slowly began to trust him....something I had never fully done before. I was slowly shedding my old self, my old beliefs and my old way of living in exchange for his love and his promises. The main promise being to never leave me. Of all the boys and men in my life that left me, Jesus promised to never do that. Now what girl could say no to that?!
I have not one single regret about giving my life to the Lord. I have seen what he can and what he will do to someone who wholeheartedly trust in him and who has a longing to obey him. He did not say that this walk with him would be easy, but he did promise that I would not have to go it alone. He promised that my sins and my past would be forgiven if I repented with a pure heart and he promised that if I allowed him to be the Lord of my life that my name would be written in the Lamb's Book Of Life. And that when this earthly life is over, I'd be with him forever.
HOW FREEING! I don't have to struggle anymore, I don't have to people please, I don't have to place all my hope in man, only to be disappointed, and I don't have to be the queen of worry. God's in control and all I have to do is #believe and to #trust.
I choose to believe and I have faith that He was and is and is to come! He is coming back soon! Revelation 1:7-8
Yes, he is my Father and I am his beloved daughter.
(Just know that I can talk all day about My Father and how he's completely changed my life, but you can have the same #great experience by surrendering and going directly to the source...The Holy Bible is all the hope you need).
Free Spirit Butterfly