Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Find Yourself

"In the process of letting go, you will loose many things from your past but you will find yourself.” - unknown

I used to think that I wasn’t smart enough, I wasn’t pretty enough and I wasn’t good enough. No one told me these things, they were just beliefs that I created in my own mind.
I thought that my mother didn’t like me because I was a reminder of my dad, whom she no longer loved. And I thought my dad didn’t love me. He left home when I was a baby and never came back for me.
I thought that being a teenage mom and dropping out of school was the biggest shame of my life.
I thought that I failed as a wife and that "happily ever after" was all make believe.
I thought that pleasing everyone would make me a better person and cover my flaws.
I thought that I was a victim of domestic violence because he loved me so much.
I thought that if I became more like someone else and less like me, I’d be happier.
I thought that if I became a Muslim like my ex, I would finally have a “relationship with God.”
I thought that I was being sexually harassed most of my life was because I was so damn naive.
I thought that if I said how I really felt that no one would like me.
I thought that if I worked really hard I wouldn’t have to reach out for help and be disappointed when no one came to my rescue.
I thought that saving all "my" money was better than giving to someone less fortunate.
I thought that I was the only one with low self esteem, fears and huge insecuritites.
I thought that all the conversations I held with myself were the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
I thought I was going to heaven when I died.

In letting go of my past, I found truth in my Lord and Savior. Jesus helped me to find myself and my past is just that…my past.


Moanerplicity said...

"I thought that if I worked really hard I wouldn’t have to reach out for help and be disappointed when no one came to my rescue."

So familiar. Too familiar. Please, get out of my head, China!

Wow. Just wow.

What beauteous Revelations are suddenly revealed to us, once we discover or RE-discover The Huge, All-Encompassing Arms of Our Father.


A Lady's Life said...

So true .
The thing about life is to always walk forward. You already learned from the past and the future is full of new things to learn.

A Free Spirit Butterfly said...

Lin, i love that you said that

I started blogged in hopes that something I've done or said would ring true in someone else's life.

We are never alone my friend. His loving arms were there all along. In those moments of my life, I had no clue.

So glad I'm not "her" anymore.

Love ya!

A Free Spirit Butterfly said...

My Lady,
You are correct. "I've learned." And I am sharing my life and exposing myself to help others.

My children are so proud of me and knowing that, makes all the shame and pain from my past worth it.